It's Funny Now...

I know I keep saying I miss you guys. It's so true.  I'm spending less and less time reading blogs or writing posts because I'm drowned in immigration-related paperwork, medical tests, visits to my lawyer's office and other less significant tasks.  By the time I come home, my anger management issues rise to the forefront because before leaving the house in the mornings I don't make the bed.  I get rushed.  So yes, coming back home to an unmade bed, a laundry basket on the verge of exploding, and then socks and shoes scattered everywhere on the bedroom floor - that's not a pretty sight nor a mood lightener. 

Anyway, I have to tell you all something that happened to me - well, two somethings actually - on Friday night.  Honey Lips and I went to that Pissy Leaks Club. Remember? We went there because everything is back to normal (uh huh) and we thought of spending only a couple of hours in said club. 

It was a hot night and I chose to wear a short black, strapless dress.  Sans bra.  I usually flat-ironed my hair when I go clubbing but that night, I didn't have the energy to straighten out my unruly hair.  With a few twists, I made a knot and let the ends sit on my left shoulder.  I was looking different and Honey Lips' libido kinda skyrocketed and he wouldn't stop groping me in the club.  For the first time, that irritated me.  After a few awkward maneouvres, I managed to make him stand in front of me, while I embraced him from the back. 

"Stay here.  I'll be behind you this time.  And hug you...", I shouted at him.  I had to.  The music was loud. 



The music picked up after a while and we were dancing like crazy people.  I slightly moved away from him so I could catch a breath or two when I felt this sudden rush of cold air in my bosom area.  Panicky, I looked down and OMG! there they were! My titsoruses proudly out for all to see! The shame ...you know how they say something about wishing the floor would open and swallow you up stuff? Yes, that! It was horrible.

Not quickly enough, I pulled my dress up and held tightly onto my unsuspecting husband and shamefully looked around to see if anyone saw me and my girls.  Unfortunately, I couldn't tell because it was too dark.  But then I heard the women dancing next to us chuckling.  Oh Sweet Dickens!

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Half an hour later, Honey Lips suggested we leave the dancefloor and go up in the VIP lounge.  I promptly nodded and followed him.  I didn't tell him anything...yet.  As soon as we stepped into the VIP section, we met a few friends of his, ones I've never met before.  So HL begun the necessary introductions.  I shook hands with them and smiled when one of the women pleasantly exclaimed, with my hand still in hers: "Oh your hand is so smooth!". 

"Excuse me?", I said.

She turned to Honey Lips and said, "Her hands are very soft and smooth.  She doesn't work hard enough", and then she started to laugh!

 "Mine are soft and smooth too", Honey Lips breathed out, "and I work hard.  My wife doesn't need to work hard.  I love them soft and smooth by the way."

Old bitch!

I was in too good a mood to let her rattle my cage.  Honey Lips and I spent the rest of the night, by the bar, laughing like crazy people in love...with the sad titepisode, willingly pushed to the back of my mind...

Booby Talk

Everybody likes big boobies.  Am I right? 

If you don't then move to the left! Ha!

For those who love big boobies, women included - because don't tell me you don't get turned on by big bouncy boobies! You lie.  Anyway move to the left if a nerve in your nether regions doesn't jump at the sight of boobage -, stay and read. 

First let me clarify: by massive breasts I mean big like Salma Hayek - natural and firm and UP.  Not fake boobies.  Like Pamela Anderson or Katie Price.  Uh huh.

God has endowed me with pretty big boobies.  I never asked for it and I always say that it's not my prayer God answered but Honey Lips'.  He enjoys them most of the time. And sometimes I do too.  Hey I gotta take care of business too!  No judging please. 

Anyway this is about when I wanted to have a breast reduction! I know.  Crazy!

When I was growing up, I realized that my mammary glands are way bigger than my friends'.  It used to bother me.  A lot.  Because every time I step into a clothes shop I have problems finding a top.  When I find one that fits me to a T, I'll buy at least 2 in different colors.  My expensive shopping trips always ends in tears of frustration.  And then, I have men talking to my breasts instead of looking me in the eyes for a decent conversation.  I spent four years in a sex-deprived country and believe me, crossing my hands over my boobs grew tiresome after a short while.

Then I decided that when I get rich I'll have a boob reduction.  My best friend called me crazy and advised that I would grow out of it in a couple of years.  And that she liked my boobs just like they are.  That didn't convince me until I became sexually active! Like when I had sex the first time. 

Oh boy! Was I ever happy again!  Heck, I was so enchanted by them that I had to experience them on my own!  It opened up a new world to me.  It has also boosted my self-confidence (not too much because I still have other complex physical issues!  It never ends huh?!)

And the day Honey Lips decided to put his seduction plan in motion made me see stars and thanked God that there won't be any more blabbering of "I want small boobies."  Like HL keeps saying, "the way they spilled out of your bra got me hooked"; so in a way I should thank the twins!  Don't you think?

What's my bra size you ask? Ha! Let's just say big enough for HL to bury his face in between and yell "Bouyaka!" ;p