Are You Joking Me?

Was my previous post that raunchy?  I don't think so.  I mean I wrote it during the day while eating KFC! 

Anyway, Honey Lips and I were spending Tuesday afternoon together when he decided to go wash his car.  AGAIN. 

"You're gonna wash your car again?", I asked.

"Hmmm...the rims are dirty.  I need to wash them because I don't want them stained", he answered.

"You know I've never seen gold rims before...do they even exist?", I queried.

"Yes.  Back in the days, I had them on my blue Merc", he bragged.

"Blue Merc? Yucky!  It must have been ugly!", I observed.

"Oh no! My car was the shizzle.  Girls used to go wild when they saw me in the blue Merc with the gold rims.  They went crazy when they saw me", Honey Lips exaggerated.

"Yeah right! I wonder why...", I scorned.

"Why were girls going crazy and shouting me? Well because they discovered I was Victoria's secret! You didn't know that, did you?  I'm Victoria's secret!!  I'm the shizzle baby..."

I really hate him when he gloats and/or exaggerates. 

One day in London...

HL and I were in his car, driving home.  It started to drizzle.  We were having a light conversation when we passed by this pretty woman, pushing a pram on the sidewalk.

"Hey! Where are you going with my baby in the rain?  Take him home! I'm coming...", he shouted at the startled woman.

And the woman began to laugh! You know those throaty laughs women throw at men?  Yes, those ones!  What the fuck?

"Give her a lift, why don't you?", and I started to pout while Honey Lips guffawed. 

Husband swap anyone?  Please bear in mind that his latest word-craze is "Are you joking me?!"  You've been warned.