When Love And Love Collide...

You get a battle of egos.  And you hear a lot of toot! toot! toot!

The love I'm talking about is not love for someone else, it's about self-love.

Shameless self-love.  The my-fart-smells-better-than-yours-and-you're-just-jealous kinda love.

 [via]

Know someone like that?  I know plenty.  And my fart smells better than yours! And...and...you're just jealous!

I'm surrounded by black men.  Yes I know.  Heaven! Another reason for you to be envious. Toot! Toot!

AnyIamjustyankingyourlegway, the pleasure of feasting your eyes on big, beautiful black men comes with a high price-tag: the ear boner.  Not in a pleasant way.  Totally not.  Oh no!

"We're stopping here.  Okay Hun?", Honey Lips would say.

"Are you asking me or telling me?", that would be my reply usually.

Oh no! Look who's here.  Penis 1, Penis 2, Penis 3, Penis 4, Penis 5, and Penis 6.  I'm the only one with front slits! Someone please give me a pair of ear muffs!

Rather reluctantly, I would accept a drink from either one of them and pull out my phone.  Of course, I would barf out the expected banter when and where necessary.  I'm good at that! 

And then, it's all:

"What do you know about cars? I had the first convertible in the country.  It was red.  Everybody would stop and stare when I drive into town."


"My car surround system is the shiiittt!"


"I play the best music in my car.  Nobody can touch me on that."

"Who was the first man to start DJ-ing? Me!"

"DJ Shriveling-Dick can't play shit.  His music collection is limited."

"Her? Yes I know her.  Very well.  But how do you know her?" (Duh)


"I had the prettiest girl.  Remember?"


"My house parties were the best."


"I lost my virginity to the maid at the tender age of 10!"


"I opened a club when I was 20."


"She's now with Mr. Stinking-Ass-Rich-With-A-Short-Dick...but she had a son with Mr. Who-Doesn't-Bother-With-Condoms-And-Have-Millions-Of-Other-Kids-With-Other-Women."


"Mr. Who-Everybody-Thinks-Has-HIV bred Miss Who-Once-Was-A-Pretty-Young-Thing-And-Now-She's-Just-A-Pair-Of-Loose-Lips."


"He moved to the States and he owes Mr. Croesus thousands of money.  He can't come back here.  He'll get killed."


"Yes man.  He got lashed by a woman.  Remember how he was boasting about beating the crap out of Mr Weak-Muscles? All lies..."


"I got the biggest house in the neighborhood!"


The list is endless and I can write a book about it...but I won't...Just listening to those Penises is enough.  Plus, I'm pretty sure when there are only Penises around, they talk more about Pussies than their precious car or house.

[insert an eye roll here please]

Author's note:  This is not to say that only and all black men brag.  I'm sure you have men from other races who do it too.  But my entourage is a combination of black people and well...black people! Heck, I sleep with one every night.  So no I'm not bashing the Black community.  I love them.  Else I wouldn't be where I'm at.  But let's face it, you know how a brother likes to toot his own horn! Honey Lips does it.  Sometimes it's cute and other times it's not.  Deal with it.  I am. 

My Daytime Fantasy Was Brusquely Interrupted

I'm in my late twenties and yes I still look at young boys! College boys of legal-age.  Boys who know what to do with a vagina or even know how she looks like, been inside one.  In short, mature, good-looking boys.

I woke up early this morning because of a crazy, half-senile lady.  Then I had to go and check on someone else.  Nothing sexual.  Just business.  I don't cheat on Honey Lips.  Not physically at least. (What?!) Anyimmovingonway, I was looking through the window out on the porch when I saw this cool dude in his college uniform (undergrad student) walking with this hey-look-at-me-i'm-so-hot-swagger and oh! boy he was hot.

Of course I'm staring and he wasn't aware of my ogling session.  He was listening to his iPod and looking straight ahead.  He couldn't see me from where he was.  At this time in the morning, there's not much traffic or people walking about besides some rowdy school kids proudly demonstrating how well their parents lack in parenting skills.  I know...you're not like that.


Despite the age-gap between Hot Boy and me being less and no greater than 10 years, I felt like a sex-starved cougar who's ready to pounce at any given minute when the most unexpected thing happened.

He started digging his nose, looked at the yucky boogerice and flicked it!  In public.  I know how important it is to have your nose uncluttered of booger but doing it in a public place? No fuck-me way!  That's a huge turn-off in my can-only-look-at-them book.  Any book for that matter.  If he were a 5 year-old I would understand but an almost grown-up youth who's eaten a vaggie before (it was written all over his face!)?

My daytime fantasy came to abrupt end right there and then.

And I flicked the curtain close and left.  The End.

What are your turn-offs?