It's Funny Now...

I know I keep saying I miss you guys. It's so true.  I'm spending less and less time reading blogs or writing posts because I'm drowned in immigration-related paperwork, medical tests, visits to my lawyer's office and other less significant tasks.  By the time I come home, my anger management issues rise to the forefront because before leaving the house in the mornings I don't make the bed.  I get rushed.  So yes, coming back home to an unmade bed, a laundry basket on the verge of exploding, and then socks and shoes scattered everywhere on the bedroom floor - that's not a pretty sight nor a mood lightener. 

Anyway, I have to tell you all something that happened to me - well, two somethings actually - on Friday night.  Honey Lips and I went to that Pissy Leaks Club. Remember? We went there because everything is back to normal (uh huh) and we thought of spending only a couple of hours in said club. 

It was a hot night and I chose to wear a short black, strapless dress.  Sans bra.  I usually flat-ironed my hair when I go clubbing but that night, I didn't have the energy to straighten out my unruly hair.  With a few twists, I made a knot and let the ends sit on my left shoulder.  I was looking different and Honey Lips' libido kinda skyrocketed and he wouldn't stop groping me in the club.  For the first time, that irritated me.  After a few awkward maneouvres, I managed to make him stand in front of me, while I embraced him from the back. 

"Stay here.  I'll be behind you this time.  And hug you...", I shouted at him.  I had to.  The music was loud. 



The music picked up after a while and we were dancing like crazy people.  I slightly moved away from him so I could catch a breath or two when I felt this sudden rush of cold air in my bosom area.  Panicky, I looked down and OMG! there they were! My titsoruses proudly out for all to see! The shame ...you know how they say something about wishing the floor would open and swallow you up stuff? Yes, that! It was horrible.

Not quickly enough, I pulled my dress up and held tightly onto my unsuspecting husband and shamefully looked around to see if anyone saw me and my girls.  Unfortunately, I couldn't tell because it was too dark.  But then I heard the women dancing next to us chuckling.  Oh Sweet Dickens!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Half an hour later, Honey Lips suggested we leave the dancefloor and go up in the VIP lounge.  I promptly nodded and followed him.  I didn't tell him anything...yet.  As soon as we stepped into the VIP section, we met a few friends of his, ones I've never met before.  So HL begun the necessary introductions.  I shook hands with them and smiled when one of the women pleasantly exclaimed, with my hand still in hers: "Oh your hand is so smooth!". 

"Excuse me?", I said.

She turned to Honey Lips and said, "Her hands are very soft and smooth.  She doesn't work hard enough", and then she started to laugh!

 "Mine are soft and smooth too", Honey Lips breathed out, "and I work hard.  My wife doesn't need to work hard.  I love them soft and smooth by the way."

Old bitch!

I was in too good a mood to let her rattle my cage.  Honey Lips and I spent the rest of the night, by the bar, laughing like crazy people in love...with the sad titepisode, willingly pushed to the back of my mind...

Underwear: His And Hers

Early morning Honey Lips and I stepped out to pay some bills as it is month-end and all.  We reached the post office and was waiting for the counter-lady to bring the necessary paperwork when Honey Lips said,

"When you wear yellow

You turn on this fellow

My insides go jello

And makes me feel mellow"

So clichéd but he deserved the sloppy kisses I rained on his cheeks and ears right there in the post office.

But before we reached the post office, we were in the car, stopped at a zebra crossing, when this lady wearing a tight skirt walking by on the sidewalk a few metres ahead of us.

"Look at her panties.  She's wearing granny panties.  You see why you must wear thong?", Honey Lips tells me in his mr-know-it-all-voice.

"I'm a panty pervert.  I like looking at women's panties. It's interesting to know what kind of panties they wear.  Granny thongs!", he keeps on blaberring while I chuckle.

You ask why I didn't smash him on his head?

Well, first off, it's not the first time, my husband made his eldritch (he claims to be a mutant) fondness for panties be known to me.  Secondly, I can't really slap him because uh, most of the times, I uh...wear his underwear.

Hold on!  Let me explain!

Well Honey Lips hates speedos.  One day, he was doing his own clothes-shopping when he mistakenly put two packs of speedos in the check-out basket.  He hustles when he shops.  When he reached home I saw the speedos and I was a bit surprised.  He was surprised too.  And you know he never wore 'em.  He told me to 'pack it up'.  What he means is 'put it in your underwear drawer'.  I did.  In the meantime I'm stocking up on thongs because I know how he loves them.  Then came my period.

Uh huh...I'm out of granny panties and I'm a pad girl (I'm not ashamed of that!) so of course I saw the speedos.  Plus, they are in dark colors.  Better for me.  They are so comfy! When I would be home alone, I would have nothing else on but my speedo.  Sometimes, I wear 'em even after my period is done!

So yeah, I can't admonish him for his guilty pleasure because of my own nasty secret.  Which is not a secret anymore.

Now you can laugh at me!